Dance with the Devil In the Pale Moonlight

After I regained what was left of my bearings I crabbed backward on my heals and palms until my head hit a tree. It felt like a nail went right through my skull, but I was too frightened to utter a sound. I just froze up and squinted in the direction of the voice that had just attacked me. "You're lucky I didn't scalp your ass," came the voice from the darkness, "what are you doing slinking around here?" Then a long-haired Indian man stepped out of the shadows and offered me a hand.

ME
Who are you?

INDIAN GUY
I'm Alex. Jack's brother.
You're Maddy--right?

ME
You're not going to hurt me are you?

ALEX
Not any worse than you already hurt yourself--you're head's bleeding. Didn't mean to scare ya--I thought you were someone else. Come on--

ME
Who?

ALEX
My wife's old boyfriend's been acting up--peeking in the house, creeping around. Diane saw your car over there, thought it was him again--so we set up a little trap.

ME
Great.
Is Jack here?

ALEX
He's in Las Vegas.
Come on, we need to do something about that cut--

ME
(checking my head for blood and finding it)
That's okay, I'll just go over to my Aunt's--

ALEX
You don't know your Aunt very well do you?

ME
Not really, why?

ALEX
Iris spends most the winter in Sedona, but she's in Vegas right now.

ME
What's going on in Vegas?

ALEX
Nothin' good.

I let him lift me to my feet, and ignoring my weak little protest, he took me up in his arms and carried me toward the house. I doubt if my legs would've worked anyway, and the sensation of being in the arms of a big strong man left me as limp as a kitten in its mother's mouth. Diane met us at the door in a bathrobe and appeared as if she wouldn't have been much more surprised if Alex would have been carrying in Howard Stern.

DIANE
What's going on?

ALEX
I don't know--that's the thing about setting traps, you never catch what you're after.

DIANE
Aren't you Maddy--Jack's girlfriend?

I was too dumbstruck embarrassed to say much of anything, but I was keeping a sharp eye out for Jack, and Alex's wife must be around somewhere. I sat shell-shocked and mute while Alex tended to my wound and Diane set a bowl of soup and a cup of coffee in front of me.

DIANE
We thought you were my old boyfriend--

At this point, my mind ran out of RAM. It took a few seconds to reboot, but I finally looked helplessly at Alex and managed a few syllables.

ME
I thought you said it was your wife's old boyfriend?

ALEX
Yea, I need to throw that guy a beatin'. Showed up at our wedding with a rifle. My best man's a cop--snuck up and pepper sprayed him. Had to drag him away howling like a cat with his tail on fire. It was bad enough with Jack and all.

My mind was only able to process this information at a sporadic pace, but I did manage this response.

ME
Whaddya mean? Jack and all--Where's Jack?

ALEX
He's in the hospital in Vegas. He's dying Maddy--he's got a brain tumor.

DIANE
He found out, right after that trip to the Lake when we got stranded, you remember that episode I'm sure.

ME
A tumor?

DIANE
You wouldn't recognize him. Doctors don't give him much longer.
When he found out about it he disappeared for three weeks, never told anybody where he went--showed up on our wedding day looking like death on fry bread. Took him to the hospital for our honeymoon.

ME THE IDIOT
You guys are married?

They just looked at me like I was as simple as a bologna sandwich and then I started to cry. Great heaving sobs that recoiled through my frame like cannon blasts.

ME THE BLUBBERING IDIOT
Oh my God I'm so sorry, I thought you and Jack--
I thought you and Jack--
I thought you were the devil, I prayed you would die, a million times. I prayed Jack--

I dissolved in tears and it was some time before I was able to utter another sound as I wept in Diane's arms. I think I must have passed out, because all the sudden everything was quiet and when I opened my eyes I was laying with my head in Diane's lap. She was stroking my hair and I saw Alex across the room tending to the fireplace.

ME
Why didn't he tell me?

ALEX
Jack's a proud boy--he wasn't about to have you hanging around watching him waste away.

ME
He thought it was better to just break my heart like a twig? Than tell me the truth?

ALEX
Yes.

ME
Do you have any idea what I've been through--how much I love him?

ALEX
As a matter of fact, I've got a pretty good idea . . . Maddy.

ME
But, what about all the Mormon stuff--he was all about saving my soul, I can't believe he'd just go away and just die, and not want to --

ALEX
Jack will never go away. He'll always be right here with us.
And you're the only one who can save your soul.

DIANE
(shooting Alex a look)
Why don't you come with me for a minute?

I must have nodded affirmatively because I found myself following Diane down the stairs to Jack's room. When she turned on the light I was so assaulted by the sense memories of this place that my knees gave and Diane had to catch me. She told me that she wanted me to see this and turned me in the direction of a desk that had upon it an enlarged photograph of myself. It was propped in the midst of a collection of all his favorite stuff--a surprisingly flattering shot from our trip to the Lake--the sunset light on my little trademark smirk.

ME
I don't remember, who took this picture--

DIANE
(setting me down on the bed and turning toward the closet)
I did.
If I give you something, will you promise to keep it a secret?

ME
What?

DIANE
You have to promise--?
(after I agreed)
I don't know if this is the right thing to do--but if it were me, I'd want to see.

She turned toward me with a copy of Rolling Stone and as she sat beside me, the magazine fell open and a half dozen letters spilled out. "Dear Maddy," they all began.

DIANE
You'll have to read 'em later or Alex will suspect us--besides I'm not as strong as him.
I couldn't watch.
(wiping away a tear)
We're driving in to Vegas in the morning--why don't you stay and come with us?
I'll fix you a place on the couch and get you drunk?

I looked into the deep, dark eyes of this Jezebel, this malevolent incarnation of all I'd thought sinister and perverse and fell into her ready embrace. I squeezed hard and she squeezed back and I started to cry all over again. I didn't know that I'd ever stop.