One Ring ruled them all at the 76th Annual Academy Awards. I'm incredibly
happy for Peter Jackson and crew, although I must admit that I didn't expect
it to sweep, and in all honesty, it wouldn't have been my first choice for
editing (a strange win considering that many complained of the film's
multiple endings), score (I was rooting for Danny Elfman's Big Fish) and
screenplay adaptation (it seemed as if Mystic River was a lock). I think,
in the end, the academy was honoring the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy
rather than the third installment alone. And given that the entire project
took over seven years to complete, I'm not about to complain. Save for
technical awards, the previous two installments were all but ignored, and I
think now that the entire story has come full circle, the academy and movie
fans everywhere can understand the magnitude of Jackson and crew's massive
and passionate accomplishment. While the "clean sweep" (as Steven Spielberg
put it) made for a severe lack of surprises, I'm extremely happy for The
Lord of the Rings.

As usual, I threw an Oscar party complete with an Oscar Poll (I LOST, and
music guru Kyle England won! Can you fucking believe that lucky bastard!).

The awards presentation itself was quite boring. This isn't to say that
Billy Crystal didn't do his job. He was an absolute riot. His opening
musical number did not disappoint and the fake trailer in which Mr. Crystal
was magically inserted into 2003 film clips, was creative and hilarious.

At the end of this report, we have a list of all the winners. As I already
stated, it was The Lord of the Rings show with the epic winning everything
it was up for. And strangely, it wasn't nominated for cinematography. It's
as if the Academy purposely left that one out of the mix so the film
wouldn't have the record for most wins in history (as it stands, Return of
the King tied Titanic and Ben-Hur with eleven wins). It should also be noted
that none of the film's actors were recognized even though Sean Astin, Andy
Serkis and Viggo Mortensen were all more than worthy. Anyway, I'm starting
to ramble. Sorry about that.

What we've done here is thrown together a list of "Awards" Awards to sort of
highlight the evening.

BIGGEST SURPRISE
The lack of surprises. Seriously folks, not much happened to stir up the
shit storm during this evening. The five second delay (thanks Ms. Jackson)
prevented anything too shocking from happening, while the Return of the King
sweep kept the night free of surprises. Hell, at the very least, I hoped for
a controversial acceptance speech. Even Errol Morris (his brilliant Fog of
War won best documentary) kept his speech dignified, although he did suggest
that it was about time his work was noticed (and I agree with him).

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
I love Sean Penn. I really do. The guy is incredible and perhaps the best
actor of his generation. Still, I thought his work in 21 Grams was stronger
then his turn in Mystic River, but more importantly, I was bummed that he
beat out Bill Murray. Sure, Mr. Penn is an emotional powerhouse in the Clint
Eastwood drama, but Murray's work in Lost in Translation was the best of his
career. This funny man paid homage to his own comical past (the film
features Murray on a golf course and even has him cutting lose with the
Karaoke machine) without overplaying it, and while it could be argued that
his role in this picture was a tad too understated, I really felt he
deserved the win. I got the sense that other people felt the same way. Upon
losing, Mr. Crystal looked down at Mr. Murray and tried to cheer him up with
words of encouragement. Again, I don't want to take away from Mr. Penn's
shining moment (in which the amazing actor gave a very restrained acceptance
speech, and even made a Jeff Spiccoli joke), but the look on Murray's face
was heartbreaking. The hilarious Tiger Woods Caddyshack commercial did take some of the sting out of it, though. Hopefully, the upcoming Wes Anderson flick Life Aquatic
will give Murray a second chance at the gold.

THE "I'M SAD IT DIDN'T WIN ANYTHING" AWARD
Actually, there are two films I want to mention here. One is Seabiscuit
which caught a lot of flack for it's sentimental tone. I loved this movie
and wanted it to win something. Actually, I was rooting for cinematography
(that award went to Master and Commander, it's only win of the evening). The
second film snubbed was the brilliant City of God which I thought at the
very least would take Editing. Both of these movies were outstanding, and
while they didn't win any awards, they're still winners in my book.

BEST PRESENTERS
This is a no- brainer. Jack Black and Will Ferrell were drop dead hilarious
as they presented the award for best song. Their lyrics to the Oscar band
conductor's "cut off" music was genius, and watching these creative comics
of the future do their thing, added a huge burst of energy to the rather
dull evening.

Runner up: Adrian Brody had fun riffing on last year's infamous Halle Berry
kiss, and even gave himself a shot of Binaca before announcing the winner
for best actress. The only thing that would have topped that would have been
a Keisha Castle-Hughes (the thirteen year old was nominated for her
outstanding work in Whale Rider) win. It would have been hilarious to see
Brody dig himself out of that one.

BEST LIVE MUSICAL PERFORMANCE
All the musical performances were terrific, but the highlight belonged to
Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara for their sweet rendition of "A Kiss at
the End of the Rainbow" from A Mighty Wind. The two hilarious performers
sang the tune in character and when they leaned over to give each other a
little smooch mid-song, I was instantly reminded of how funny and underrated
that picture was. If only one of Jack Black's rockin' tunes from School of
Rock had been nominated.

BEST TRIBUTE SEGMENT
That's a no-brainer. Thanks for the memories Mr. Hope!

BEST DRESSED
MALE - JOHNNY DEPP
In all honesty, there wasn't anything that distinctive about the way Depp
was dressed. He wore your basic tuxedo. I just thought it funny that
everyone assumed he would dress down for the occasion. Depp's a classy guy.
It really was cool to see him nominated.

FEMALE - CHARLIZE THERON AND ANGELINA JOLIE
I couldn't decide between the two so I picked them both. (I'm not talking about their boobs) I don't proclaim to be a fashion guru, but damn these women looked fine. Theron (who won Best Actress for Monster) looked stunning, and I'm still stunned by her Monster transformation. Jolie (who, sadly, wasn't honored for her work in Tomb
Raider 2) was equally smashing.

WORST DRESSED
Only one name stands out. UMA THURMAN! Don't get me wrong. Ms. Thurman is a
gorgeous actress, but on this particular evening, she wasn't looking her best.

BEST "COMIC RELIEF" MOMENT
Watching Billy Crystal and Robin Williams feed off each other was a real
treat. The bit about the homosexual wedding cake topper was hilarious, and I
also liked Williams' ode to Janet Jackson.

PERSONAL FAVORITE MOMENT
There was just something too cool about watching Steven Spielberg give Peter
Jackson the Oscar for Lord of the Rings. It was like a passing of the torch.
Granted, Mr. Spielberg has a lot of great commercial entertainment left in
him (get cracking on Indiana Jones!). Still, this was an awesome moment. And
while we're on the topic of Peter Jackson, is this guy great or what. He's so
non-Hollywood. He seems more like a movie fan than a movie maker and I love
that about him. During his acceptance speech, he even mentioned Bad Taste,
Dead Alive and Meet the Feebles (fantastically bizarre genre films from
early on in his career). Too cool. I'm so happy for him, and I can't wait to
see what he does with King Kong.

Well, another Oscar telecast has come and gone. Now it's time for another
great year of film. Personally, I'm hoping Mel Gibson's The Passion of the
Christ is remembered next year. It may be controversial, and it may be
flawed, but it's one beautiful piece of art.

Coincidentally, we're tallying up the Oscar Contest submissions. A winner
will be notified via e-mail in the next few days.

Best Picture
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Actor
Sean Penn, ''Mystic River''

Best Actress
Charlize Theron, ''Monster''

Best Supporting Actor
Tim Robbins, ''Mystic River''

Best Supporting Actress
Renée Zellweger, ''Cold Mountain''

Best Director
Peter Jackson, ''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Adapted Screenplay
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Original Screenplay
''Lost in Translation''

Best Foreign Language Film
''The Barbarian Invasions''

Best Animated Feature Film
''Finding Nemo''

Best Cinematography
''Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World''

Best Short Film (Live Action)
''Two Soldiers''

Best Short Film (Animated)
''Harvie Krumpet''

Best Documentary Short Subject
''Chernobyl Heart''

Best Documentary Feature
''The Fog of War''

Best Art Direction
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Visual Effects
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Sound Mixing
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Sound Editing
''Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World''

Best Film Editing
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Song
''Into the West'' (''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King'')

Best Score
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Costume Design
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''

Best Makeup
''The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King''