Christmas With the Kranks is an ugly, disposable holiday lump of coal that goes for warm and fuzzy but winds up cold and prickly. The film is based on a novel by John Grisham of all people, and while I credit the writer for finally attempting something new (his tales of "bushy tailed, wide eyed, underdog lawyers" have run their course), I have to take that credit away, because he's done such a half ass job of it. Before anyone paints me the ultimate Scrooge, know that I'm a huge fan of Christmas. Not the marketing side of it, but rather the spirit of it. That feeling you get when you're putting up the Christmas tree. The smile on that person's face when you give them a present. And yes, that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you are witness to a really great holiday film, something that Christmas With the Kranks is not.

Christmas With the Kranks (the name was changed from Skipping Christmas as to not be confused with the other recent dud of a holiday film, Surviving Christmas) features Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis as Luther and Nora Krank, a married couple who find themselves alone during Christmas, when their daughter Blair joins the Peace Corp. While they are pillars of the community (particularly around Christmas time), Luther comes up with the idea of skipping Christmas this year and taking his wife on a cruise. This is met with a hostile reception by those in the Kranks' neighborhood. In fact, the suburban locals (led by a shocked Dan Aykroyd) begin to make life a living hell for the couple, turning Luther into the ultimate Scrooge.

Christmas With the Kranks would try to trick you into believing that it's a picture about tradition and believing in the magic of Christmas. It really isn't. It's more about weak writing and clumsy execution, and it's full of selfish, characters to boot.

I really hated the way most of the characters acted in this picture. Luther is scrutinized and considered selfish because he wants to leave town for the holidays. The townsfolk are more concerned with making his life miserable (they egg him on like you wouldn't believe) than they are concentrating on the true spirit of Christmas, and that was disconcerting to me. This isn't like Bad Santa or The Ref in which the central characters have specific problems with each other or Christmas. This is something else entirely. At any rate, those pictures were much funnier than this one. If this movie offered up more laughs, I might have been able to forgive it for it's shortcomings.

Tim Allen is completely boring. His funniest moment is revealed in the trailer and features the after effects of a botox shot. The scene actually comes across as more humorous in the preview. In the context of the film, it's pretty stupid. His apparent Scrooge behavior and subsequent (and inevitable) transformation back to good guy doesn't come across at all. Jamie Lee Curtis (looking shockingly frumpy) deserves props for a worthy effort. She's lively (particularly when she's exhibiting excitement at the thought of her daughter coming home for the holidays) and earns extra points for her revealing tanning bed sequence. Remember, this isn' t the tone Curtis of True Lies fame. That was ten years ago. I found her endearing and admired her courage. The most heartfelt turns are provided by M. Emmet Walsh and Elizabeth Franz, who play an aging couple making their way through one of their toughest holidays.

I presume that Chris Columbus took this adaptation job to rekindle a little of that old "Home Alone" magic. That would explain the obvious and unnecessary shots of townsfolk slipping on Luther's iced over walkway, and smacking back first onto the hard concrete below. There's also the petty crook who sees it fit to pull off his little crimes during the holidays. The most disgusting inclusion in the entire film though, is the one involving M. Emmet Walsh's Walt and Elizabeth Franz's Bev. Their tragic situation gives Columbus license to fish for sympathy in a way that there ought to be a law against. It's a shame too, because I love the way Walsh and Franz play the final scene in the movie, but the writing is so sappy and so overflowing with fake sentimentality, that it drowns out what should have been a genuinely dramatic moment.

The rest of the film just sort of plays like a really bad sitcom. Take for instance a scene in which Luther begs a friend to borrow his Christmas tree. After agreeing, the friend makes it clear that Luther must be incredibly careful with the tree or his wife will kill him. Guess what happens next?

Christmas With the Kranks was directed by Joe Roth. Here, he does the same thing with Christmas that he did with Hollywood in American Sweethearts. Skewers it incompetently. Seriously, this movie is a train wreck and only offers up hints of warmth that are quickly covered up by the unfunny and the clumsily executed.

While Terry Zwigoff's Bad Santa was R rated for bad language and sexual situations, I didn't find it half as offensive as this PG rated movie. Perhaps that's because Bad Santa is what it is and doesn't pretend to be something else. Christmas With the Kranks by comparison, is chalk full of selfish characters who claim to know the true meaning of Christmas. They could have fooled me