Dawn of the Dead gave us a little teaser, a 10 minute taste on the USA Network, and after watching this new re-imagined version it's easy to see why USA Network chose to show the first ten minutes of the film - it was clearly the best part of the movie.

I'm not going to go out of my way to compare this movie to George Romero's outstanding zombie epic because, aside from taking place in a shopping mall, the only thing the two movies share are appearances by brilliant make-up artist Tom Savini and charismatic actor Ken Foree (blink here and you'll miss them). This picture is more on par with Danny Boyle's superior virus outbreak thriller 28 Days Later.

In Dawn of the Dead several strangers seek refuge in a shopping mall after the dead rise and start attacking the living. Unlike the zombies in Romero's films, the dead here are swift and move very quickly (I prefer slow moving zombies. They're scarier). Among the strangers that must stick together in order to survive are a recently widowed nurse, a buffed up police officer, and, of course, a pregnant woman.

Dawn of the Dead does get off to a fast, intriguing start, and while the movie does move rather quickly, what begins as quite horrific, becomes more and more ridiculous as the story progresses. In particular, the pregnant woman scenario, which degenerates into something unintentionally hilarious. It's supposed to be a scary moment but ultimately, it's just plain silly. I wish I could be as enthusiastic about this film as some critics surprisingly are. I'll admit it's a brisk and blood-soaked, gun 'em down, blow 'em up funhouse of a film - but I've got to hold my position that it would've been much more effective had I cared one way or the other about who was getting gunned-down and blown-up.

To call these characters stock would be a
gross understatement. None of these roles are fully realized. And worst of all, I didn't give a damn about any of these people. Not only are they underdeveloped and stupid (not one of them bothers to check on the pregnant woman nor are they suspicious when Phifer's character tells them all that "she's fine"), but their uninteresting, and in many cases, unlikable. Polley is a terrific actress, but you'd never guess it by watching her in this. This is a character that we should something feel for, but we never really do. Rhames is the tough as nails police officer, but most of his dialogue is comprised of macho one-liners. Matt Frewer (of Max Headroom fame) makes an earnest attempt at drama here, but his big scene is so rushed and melodramatic that it came across as a severe waste of talent. The only actor that remotely rises above the one-dimensional material is Jake Weber (Meet Joe Black). I was surprised to find that I actually cared about him by the end of the movie.

Romero always injected social commentary and satire into his films but Mr. Gunn has no such interest in that. His feeble attempt at satire and humor come across as silly and far too obvious. Take, for instance, a sequence in which one of the film's characters is using zombies for target practice. Before he shoots them from atop the building he's stranded upon, he's told to off zombies that most look like celebrities (in this case, Burt Reynolds and Rosie O'Donnell). The scene is supposed to evoke laughter. In my case it did, but for all the wrong reasons. I was laughing at the scene instead of with it.

As I stated, Gunn seems to have been inspired by 28 Days Later, but he also appears to be a huge Aliens fan, for I noticed several recognizable moments from that picture as well. And as underwritten as much of this movie is,
what's really missing is a great zombie dining scene. Seriously, folks, I thought zombies eat people. We see a couple of characters get bit here but no one actually gets eaten. What a bore.

Director Zack Snyder actually does a competent job with what he has to work with. Dawn of the Dead is well staged and Snyder and his effects team do get in some terrific gore shots. The numerous gunshots to the zombie heads are impressive, and there's also a couple of great sequences in which zombies are plowed over by large vehicles. But as slick as this Dawn of the
Dead is, all the visuals in the world are unable to rise above the underwritten characters and ill-conceived, underdeveloped situations. And as
good as the gore is, it doesn't hold a candle to Savini's effects work throughout his respectable career.

I expect that this movie will make lots of money and that many (mostly teenagers who've never been treated to real horror) will proclaim it one of
the scariest movies in years. And while I give the movie credit for a brisk pace and a roller coaster kind of vibe, I found myself annoyed by the weak
writing and lack of scares. This case of style over substance lacks the independent sensibility and sheer scope of the 1978 version.

The irony is that as I sat through a film written by one of the least innovative screenwriters in recent memory, the Boneman was in the screening room next door checking out the new film by one of the best screenwriters of the last ten years (I'm speaking of Charlie Kaufman who's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is generating enormous buzz).

I wouldn't call Dawn of the Dead a worthless pile of crap. It's visually striking, gleefully gory, and fairly well paced. I also got a kick out of the loungey cover of Disturbed's Down With the Sickness (a version I maintain is better than the original) that plays cheerfully in the background. This is a movie with moments and it certainly wasn't the disaster I expected it to be, but after it was over, I found myself wishing and praying that George Romero would finally shoot Dead Reckoning so guys like James Gunn could see what a zombie movie is really supposed to be like. I had hoped for a grander sense of dread and a more satirical edge, but alas, the mass movie going public is much different than it used to be.

This Dawn of the Dead is watchable, but if you want my humble advice, stay home and watch 28 Days Later. True, it isn't really a zombie movie, but it's much better than this. Or better yet, watch George Romero's original Dawn of
the Dead (which was recently re-released on DVD). It's a much deeper cinematic experience, and it features zombies with much more--dare I say this--personality.

A special note of interest. Stick around for the end credits to see what happens to some of the survivors (I preferred the ambiguity of the
original's ending).