First there was Godzilla Vs Rodan, then Beethoven vs Chopin, now we have the Satanic Verses Hollywoodland style. It's true that Satan never put so many quivering asses in so many red velvet seats than he did with the Exorcist. And in Hollywood's never ending quest to cash in where cash has once upon a time been brought in before, the suits have done the sequel one better with the invention of the prequel. As a matter of future trivial pursuit factuality, Dominion: The Prequel to the Exorcist is the first film to actually use the word "prequel" in it's title.

Another strange fact is that the story behind the prequel is far more interesting than either of the films that vied for the title. Toward the beginning of the 21st century celebrated filmmaker Paul Schrader wrote and subsequently directed the original prequel to the Exorcist (now titled Dominion - short for Dumb Opinion) a sober and contemplative morality tale that eschewed creepy special effects in favor of cerebral rumination. The film scared the hell out of it's producers, due entirely to the fact that it wasn't scary enough to merit an R rating and thus it was shelved (one would hope in some fractured and gothic catacomb) and another director, Renny Harlin, whose horror directing track record boasted only the fourth Nightmare on Elm Street sequel, was charged with the mandate of taking the original footage and most of the original cast and scarying it up.

His take on perhaps the most influential horror franchise in history was entitled Exorcist: the Beginning. It was an embarrassing shlock-fest, reviled by critics the world over and universally ignored at the box office. A cut and paste waste of time, that featured a special effects blow-out for a finale that by all rights you should find in the comedy section of your local video store. Which is not to suggest that the original Schrader version is some sort of lost classic. On the contrary - it's as though the two film makers were trying to outdo each others ineptitude. Both films (I'm amazed Harlin left them in) feature perhaps the most ridiculous looking CGI creations in a film with a budget that exceeds 2 million dollars. On three everybody - the hyenas. Now I get why they've always been referred to as laughing hyenas, because never has a faux critter looked so completely unrealistic and laughable. In Harlin's version they serve the purpose of tearing a family limb from limb, Schrader, on the other hand, used them strictly for laughs.

The two chief plot points of the films remain - one almost untouched and the other given short shrift. In the prequel Father Merrin (Skellan Skarsgard) is not a father but an archeologist with agnostic leanings. This all stems back to a life-changing incident during the second world war, where a Nazi commander of some kind forces Merrin to pick 10 random and innocent peasants to be gunned down execution style. To refuse the command would mean the slaughter of all of the peasants as well as Merrin himself. We flash forward to mid fifties and Merrin is called to supervise the excavation of a rather odd Byzantine church. The church is most unusual because it was buried not long after it's construction. In Harlin's version much was made of this and it's grand opening was quite suspenseful, as it became more and more clear that this was a church built to worship Satan. Strangely in Schrader's version much of this drama was sidestepped, and the church was breached by a couple of greedy soldiers - in search of fortune. In this respect Harlin's film was far superior.

It's clear that Harlin was commissioned to step up the creepy factor and up until the hyenas his version was passably scary. It's a shame you couldn't take the last 15 minutes of Harlin's version and replace it with the last fifteen minutes of Schraders's version. That's the best chance you'd have at a marginally scary film that's not a laughable embarrassment to the franchise. The possessed individual remains the same in both films - a native African named Cheche (who looked spooky enough before the demons came calling. in Harlin's version he became gruesome and telekinetic - in Schrader's version he looked the same, he just became more physically imposing - more of a steroidal possession. Earlier I mentioned Harlin's completely absurd ending, featuring a special effects show down between the demon nurse and recently spiritual Merrin. It's this unfortunate choice that made Harlin's version impossible to get behind, but for all it's over-the-top Poltergeist-thieving ineptitude, at least it tried to scare you. Whereas Schrader simply attempts to bore the audience out of their seats with a climax that featured a bald and androgynous demon, similar to the one Mel Gibson used in Passion of the Christ. He was about as menacing as Telly Savalas with eye-shadow. Goodness if this is what passes for an intellectual morality play, I'll take the hokey Poltergiest nurse twice on Sunday.

Most critics have deemed Schrader's version a psychological and moral study, and some have even lauded it's restraint. I'll be the first to tell you, however, that's no different than calling dog shit, fudge. Harlin's version while equally lame for different reasons, at the very least attempted to be scary and carry on the tradition of the franchise. As far as I'm concerned, in this epic struggle between limp and tepid and schlocky and laughable it's pretty much a tie for last. If you're looking for an effective possession film, either rent Constantine or wait for Emily Rose to come out on video.