There is no story here unless you think you should watch an old lady on her deathbed think about a guy she had a one-night stand with fifty years ago.

We go back and forth. The present is set in a big, old Rhode Island house. The matriarch, Ann Lord (Vanessa Redgrave), is in her deathbed being annoyed every 10 minutes by her daughters Constance (Natasha Richardson) and Nina (Toni Collette) and a night nurse (Eileen Atkins) in a garish gown. Constance is happily married with two young children; Nina is miserable, resentful about something, and aimless. She's also not in love with her puppy dog boyfriend who keeps wagging his tail when he sees her.

Ann starts mumbling about someone names Harris. If, on your deathbed, you think about the fling you lost 50 years ago, you have something to regret. You blew it.

The past is set in a Newport, Rhode Island mansion overlooking the sea and rocky cliffs of Wuthering Heights.

In flashbacks 50 years ago, we find out that Ann (Claire Danes), a mediocre singer, is the maid of honor for the society wedding of Lila Wittenborn (Mamie Gummer). Supposedly, they are best friends. But Ann does not know that since Lila was 15 years old she has been in love with handsome Harris Arden (Patrick Wilson), the son of the Wittenborn's maid. He's an inappropriate suitor for the high-born Lila and too old for her. Ann appears to never have met groom-to-be Carl. Ann also does not know that Lila's baby brother, the alcoholic Buddy (Hugh Dancy), has been madly in love with her since college. She rejects Buddy in a mean way for no good reason.

Why not just let him off easy by saying: "I could love you but you're an out-of-work drunk."

Everyone loves beautiful Lila. Why? She's a blank slate. Why is everyone, including Buddy, in lust for Harris?

Harris is aloof and acceptable at the wedding since he became a doctor, but immediately he and Ann become intimate. She's not too young for him though she is the same age as Lila. Shouldn't Ann mind her own business or discuss her interest in Harris with her best friend Lila? Lila should be marrying Harris. Everyone says so.

Something terrible happens and Ann and Harris never see each other again. Ann sings around, marries a few times and is a lousy, selfish mother. Somehow she has managed to acquire a huge house filled with stuff.

With Ann on the brink of death, Lila turns up. Its Mamie's mom Meryl Streep!

For me, Claire Danes has very little appeal. She has a limited set of facial expressions. I counted them.

As for Mamie Gummer, it is nice that her mother is helping her along, but she needs more time working on "the craft." How about acting lessons? She needs to be more expressive since her facial limitations are hindering her. Her eyes are too close together, her lips too thin, and her long nose distracting. She hasn't learned how to use her face to its best advantage. I keep saying this but no one will listen: "Talent is not an inherited trait (like eye color)." Streep developed her talent at the Yale School of Drama. She learned how to use her unusual face.

"Evening" is a tortuous bore. Nothing happens and I didn't care about any of the characters. Danes and Gummer lack charisma playing roles that demand our interest. The screenplay, by Susan Minot and Michael Cunningham and based on the novel by Susan Minot, meanders without anything exciting happening. I kept saying to myself: "Die already!"

(We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome the prolific and multi-talented writer Victoria Alexander to our staff. Critic for http://www.filmsinreview.com/ and pundit and humorist responsible for the candid and fearlessly funny "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on http://fromthebalcony.com. Start off your week with a good hard laugh. It's a thrill to have her on board. Victoria Alexander answers every email and can be contacted directly at .)