If Fred Claus represents the best in Christmas cinema this holiday season, then we must have all been bad boys and girls this year. This latest offering from the team that brought us Wedding Crashers is far less raunchy (it's rated PG), but it has virtually no comic rhythm. No timing at all. Riffing on the Santa Claus myth, Fred Claus tells the story of Santa's smug, irritating older brother. As a child Fred always resented his younger brother's popularity, and this resentment would carry over into adulthood. When Fred realizes he needs $50,000 to make his holiday wishes come true, he wastes no time calling his soft touch of a brother to ask for the money. Jolly old Saint Nick agrees to give Fred the cash, but only if he'll come to the North Pole and earn it by helping the elves around the work shop. Ultimately, Fred agrees and once he arrives in the North Pole, he must nurse old family wounds.

Fred Claus is an odd little movie. For starters, it isn't particularly funny, nor is it warm. For most of it's running time, it doesn't even really qualify as a holiday film. There's no holiday spirit at all and what's more, the film commits the cardinal sin of messing with Santa's mythology. Try as he might, the gifted Paul Giamatti is unable to bring any sense of magic to this Santa. Why? Because of bad writing mostly. This Santa isn't the magical being we all know and love. He's a sweet natured man to be sure, but he isn't Santa. Claus in this picture is too caught up in making deadlines and figuring out who's been naughty and who's been nice. What's more, there's a lame brained sub plot revolving around some stupid organization that's contemplating closing down Santa's workshop. They send in an efficiency expert (played by a hilariously grumpy Kevin Spacey) to make sure things are running smoothly at the North Pole! What? I'm sorry, but Santa answers to no one. And if anyone can explain to me Santa's aging process and how Fred fits into it, I'm all ears. Fred Claus is disjointed, completely implausible, poorly paced, and makes one big misstep after another as it lumbers along.

Vince Vaughn looks thoroughly bored throughout most of the picture and even the lovely Elizabeth Banks is completely wasted in a forgettable role as an accountant at the North Pole. How the hell did she get that job anyway? It isn't until the final act that the movie makes a minor rebound. There's a wonderfully warm scene in which all the elves look through a magical snow globe so that they can witness families spending Christmas morning together all around the world. There's also a predictable but effective little scene in which Santa and Spacey have a confrontation. It's a sappy sequence but Spacey sells it. The confrontation is punctuated by a cute little Superman reference that provides a nifty touch (for those who've forgotten, Spacey played Lex Luthor in Superman Returns). Beyond that, there's only one sequence in the entire film that really made me laugh aloud. It involves a support group called "Siblings Anonymous." As Fred sits in to discuss his problems, he's surrounded by several other men who play second fiddle to higher profile siblings. I'll be darned if I'm going to disclose their names in this review. I wouldn't want to spoil what little joy this movie has to offer. In the end, I'm thankful for two things where Fred Claus is concerned. A. I'm glad the movie slightly rebounds in the final fifteen minutes, and B. I'm ecstatic that Joel Schumacher had nothing to do with this flick. Nipples on the Santa suit would have been far too much for me to stomach.