I have lived in Las Vegas for 11 years. I do not know one person who works in a casino or gambles. See how lucky I am? Now, after "Lucky You," I know all I need to know about Texas Hold'Em: The Preflop, the Flop, the Turn, and the River. I know what "Burning the Card" means (After the first betting round, the dealer discards the top card of the deck. This is called "burning the card" and is done to ensure that no one accidentally saw the top card, and to help prevent cheating.) The dealer doesn't play, just deals.

I also now know that Drew Barrymore cannot act. She only has chemistry with Cameron Diaz. Eric Bana tries and fails, but Barrymore's character is a proselytizing "good girl" who falls in love with a life-long, degenerate gambler! What does his character, raised and nurtured by a gambler, know about such a woman?

Billie Offer (Drew Barrymore) comes to Las Vegas to stay with her older sister Suzanne (Debra Messing) and try her luck as a lounge singer. (First Kristen Dunst in "Spider-Man 3", now Drew Barrymore sings. Are they preparing for their after-movie careers as Broadway stars?) Billie meets Huck Cheever (Eric Bana), a career gambler. Her sister has known him a long time, lent him money from time to time, and warns Billie to stay away from him. Good girl Billie ignores Suzanne's, even after he steals money from her. Now, if only her sister had said: "Yeah, he's hot and great in bed, but don't leave your wallet around."

Immediately upon meeting Huck, Billie takes her life savings and goes to a poker table with him. Its fun playing cards with really old people hooked up to hospital equipment! Huck needs $10,000 to enter a poker tournament his father, L.C. Cheever (Robert Duvall), has won twice. Is there a Freudian term for a son who is so obsessed with his father that it could easily be described as a not-too-subtle sexual obsession?

Huck shows Billie that no matter how many times he gets his hands on the $10,000 entrance fee, he blows it. He has no furniture, steals from friends, cheats, lies, and owes everyone money.

He's a keeper!

By the time he does hit the final table in the tournament, he owes $30,000! Since Huck never tells Billie he wants to leave the life, why is she interested in him? Why are these two even attracted to each other? If Billie had admitted that Huck's reckless behavior, corrupt lifestyle and sexiness is a turn-on, the honesty would have made for not only an interesting character, but a more realistic story driven by desire and her need for excitement.

Whenever Billie is not on the screen, the story gains momentum. How could it not with Duvall enjoying his character so much? He understands the father-son relationship is the dynamic core of the film. The love story ruins the film. The Duvall-Bana scenes ignite the film. If only Hanson had cut the love story out of the film, he would have had another hit.

Why should Billie forgive Huck for his deviousness while he is carrying around a 35 year grudge against his father? Why can't he forgive? The scenes between Bana and Duvall ripple with sexual tension and intellectual speed. They make gambling, the odds, the "tell," the psychology of gambling, interesting. Whenever Bana is on screen with Barrymore, the film stops dead.

Bana must be a charismatic person in real life – he has been given a lot of opportunities to bolt to stardom. Bana is closest here under the tutelage of director/co-writer Curtis Hanson (who has shepherded a gallery of actors to erotic sexiness in "L.A. Confidential." Hansen made Eminem a movie star in "8 Mile." He's not good with actresses.) Bana should have been teamed with an actress who can actually show a sexual interest in him. Barrymore could not express Billie's sexual interest in Huck. Was her motive missionary work?

The screenwriters have Billie amused by Huck's deceitful lifestyle. Its fun for her watching Huck try to win an absurd $10,000 bet.

This week "Lucky You" finally opens after being held in the studio vault. But someone – the studio, her agent, her lawyer, her management team – gave Drew a big gift to assuage her lousy performance here – she's on the cover of People magazine's "Most Beautiful People" issue.

How does Las Vegas come off? As Sin City? As a playground for sexy stars and young people throwing their morals to the desert wind for 4 days? Nope! In "Lucky You" Las Vegas is the graveyard for people so old they don't enjoy winning money, they just want to have somewhere to go for hours every day. Winning just means they can come back the next day to kill time. I looked at how the production team crowded the casino scenes with old people. Las Vegas scared me. The accessory du jour is the latest model of motorized walker.

Where were the strippers, the fat girls showing off too much cleavage, and the tourists walking around drinking from 3' high bottles?

(We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome the prolific and multi-talented writer Victoria Alexander to our staff. Critic for http://www.filmsinreview.com/ and pundit and humorist responsible for the candid and fearlessly funny "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on http://fromthebalcony.com. Start off your week with a good hard laugh. It's a thrill to have her on board. Victoria Alexander answers every email and can be contacted directly at .)