Remember 1997's Bean? If you loved it (who can forget Bean's crayon touch-up of "Arrangement in Grey and Black: The Artist's Mother," aka Whistler's Mother, or wetting his pants?), stay away from "Mr. Bean's Holiday." I chuckled once, and literally kicked myself twice for forgeting to wear my watch. If there is a benevolent force in the cosmos let this end. Let the box office receipts, and the critical spanking transform Mr. Bean into Mr. Has Bean. Let the bean counters, allow a few to spill untalleyed, and save me from enduring further suffering at the quavering hands of the Creature of the Black Legume.

However, everybody got a vacation in the South of France! You'd think Willem Dafoe wouldn't need to whore himself out for a vacation in Cannes. But, with Christopher Walken's agent trotting him out in every high-pay, non-acting, semi-supporting role (though, in all fairness to the great Walken, he never supports anyone – he's always the star of a movie regardless of the length of his part), I guess Dafoe decided to show he too could appear in anything if producers meet his "quote."

What was Bean's appeal? Well, he might have been harmless, but you wouldn't leave him alone to babysit the kids. The family pet wouldn't have a chance. And what about his indeterminate sexuality? In "Mr. Bean's Holiday" he goes from London to the South of France after winning a trip to the sea. Bean is finally orgiastic over the idea of the sea!

Immediately, Bean goes to La Defense by mistake – though, I have been to La Defense and it is rather an impressive aspect of the New Paris – and has to find his way back to Gare de Lyon and the train to Cannes. Motioning and grunting to a fellow passenger, Emil Duchevsky (Karel Roden), to take a video of him boarding the train, Bean gets on but the Russian director, on his way to the Cannes Film Festival, does not. This leaves the Cannes jurist's 10-year-old son, Stepan (Max Baldry), to travel alone. Bean takes a non-verbal interest in helping the kid out. At least they don't have to share a sleeper car.

It doesn't take long for Bean to lose his passport and money. But he does hold on to his video camera. The funniest part of "Holiday" is when Bean must earn money for their food.

Because of social paranoia and propriety, Bean and Stepan have a very proper relationship instead of a romp that could have easily been insanely funny. Bean's bizarre personality and anti-charm works best when engaging with very normal people (ala Borat). Ten-year-olds are not socialized enough to be appalled, frightened, or even put-off by Bean's autistic behavior.

After ten years have past, (the movie seemed twice that long) I now know only one thing about Mr. Bean. He has never been to France. When one actor is the entire bread and butter of a movie, the blame doesn't necessarily go to the director, Steve Bendelack, who does not have much to do except keep the camera in focus on the star.

(We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome the prolific and multi-talented writer Victoria Alexander to our staff. Critic for http://www.filmsinreview.com/ and pundit and humorist responsible for the candid and fearlessly funny "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on http://fromthebalcony.com. Start off your week with a good hard laugh. It's a thrill to have her on board. Victoria Alexander answers every email and can be contacted directly at .)