There is a huge financial paycheck for writing a hit song for any famous singer. Linda Perry's song, "Beautiful" became an international smash hit for Christina Aguilera in 2002 and earned Aguilera a Grammy Award for Best Female Pop Vocal. Perry is now in great demand and for life and beyond Perry will get royalties. When you hear the instrumental version of "Beautiful" in an elevator, Perry is the one getting a check.

"Music and Lyrics" is a movie about 80s pop sensation Alex Fletcher (Hugh Grant), who is making a decent, but humiliating living singing his hit songs on the County Fair circuit. He's a huge draw entertaining at high school 20th reunions. Thus when teen sensation Cora (Haley Bennett) pitches Alex the idea of writing a song for them to record a duet with, he jumps at the chance. Its either this or getting into a wrestling ring with Adam Ant.

Alex needs a lyricist immediately since Cora has given him a 3-day deadline to deliver a song. Just as he's discussing the dilemma with his manager Chris (Brad Garrett)who should stumble into his apartment to splash some water on his plants? Sophie (Drew Barrymore) starts throwing lyrics around off the top of her head and Alex has found his wordsmith. Except, Sophie would rather work in her big sister Rhonda's (Kristen Johnston) weight-off store and water plants on the side.

Sophie is breezy, eccentric and is supposed to be adorable. But she is haunted by a former lover (Campbell Scott) who has immortalized, yet savaged her in a best-selling book. Alex is totally clever and knows exactly how to deliver a witty line. Shouldn't Alex and Chris dangle some cash in front of Sophie as an incentive? Why not call up a lawyer and tell Sophie she could easily have a cottage in Malibu - and a Grammy? Where's the contract? This movie is so implausible and predictable I am not going to bother relating what comes next. Besides you've seen it all before.

The question is this: Do you want to see Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant agonize over changing a word and singing together?

Trust me. You don't.

I had high hopes for this as soon we see Alex's 80s video open the movie. The drummer was fat and barely moving in the background of the video. In the 80s, the fat old guy with the long hair was always the drummer. He couldn't dance.

It is now time to skip over the horrible, predictable script and discuss casting. Drew has got to move on to more mature roles. This should have been a vehicle for Mandy Moore. Hugh is too old to have messed-up hair. Why not just pay the hair person NOT to fuss with your hair? Or just brush it with a shoe. Would Grant wear this hair like this in real life? Why is Brad Garrett in this movie? He is so tall that he makes Hugh look like Prince without the high heel shoes. To compliment the Hugh-Brad casting, Drew is given the towering Kristen Johnston as her sister. The leads are dwarved by their supporting players.

"Music and Lyrics" was written and directed by Marc Lawrence, who is clearly popular with certain stars. He wrote Forces of Nature, Miss Congeniality, and Two Weeks Notice all starring Sandra Bullock. Hugh Grant starred in Two Weeks Notice. Directing is a big perk given to successful screenwriters and Lawrence has no one but himself to blame for the weak material he was working with.

Music and Lyrics is a stale, boring movie that you don't need to see to know everything that happens. Taking the last pages out of an Adam Sandler comedy ("Anger Management" comes to mind – but it is a Sandler script necessity), Alex publicly – and inappropriately – announces his love for Sophie. It stops this tepid movie cold.

I missed that poll – do young women dream of a big diamond engagement ring and a cheesy public proclamation of love?

Maybe I'm jaded, but a nice, signed music partnership contract would have swayed me at the jump.

(We at zboneman.com are excited to welcome the prolific and multi-talented writer Victoria Alexander to our staff. Critic for http://www.filmsinreview.com/ and pundit and humorist responsible for the candid and fearlessly funny "The Devil's Hammer," her column appears every Monday on http://fromthebalcony.com. Start off your week with a good hard laugh. It's a thrill to have her on board. Victoria Alexander answers every email and can be contacted directly at .)