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And That's The Way It Is

And That's The Way It Is

I think we're on the threshold of an era when just about every day someone famous is going to die. Now that the advent of television (in every home) is 50 years old (give or take) there are plenty of TV celebrities getting awfully long in the tooth. Within days of Michael Jackson two of the most bel... [More]

[Tue Aug 4th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman
Speak of the Devil

Speak of the Devil

With my kids spending a week with their Grandfolks up North in the bucolic splendor near Park City - I sat in my deserted home and discovered the coolest thing – televisions have an OFF switch! How wonderfully strange it was to have the Disney Channel's relentless bubble gum brainwashing babble sile... [More]

[Mon Jul 20th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman
The Truth Sucks

The Truth Sucks

Here it is the wedding season. A time when young hearts thrill and rice is spilled and once again women make that spectacular error in judgement and marry one of us men. I can't believe they're still falling for it. You'd think that after witnessing a life-long parade of embarrassing male behavior,... [More]

[Tue May 19th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman
Why Why Why Delilah

Why Why Why Delilah

If you're anything like me, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself. Only kidding - everybody always says "open with a joke" which, is a good saying as sayings go, it's not in the same league as "Righty Tighty, Lefty Lucy," by any means. But as I‘ve mentioned before, I actually met "Lefty Lucy?"... [More]

[Mon May 4th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman
Old Naked People

Old Naked People

Did I mention I'm going to Massage School? I can't remember - or more accurately I‘m too lazy to go back and check. Anyway the school part is pretty much over and I've now entered the phase referred to as "clinic." The portion of our educational journey where we set away our pencils and books and wa... [More]

[Tue Mar 31st, 2009] Written By: The Boneman
Using My Religion

Using My Religion

I wish I could tell you that my relatively recent return to the good graces of the LDS church was the result of some inspiring saga. A grand tale of the forces of good and righteousness conquering the malevolent forces of evil which, set to music, would be a staple on the Fireside circuit for years.... [More]

[Thu Feb 26th, 2009] Written By: The Boneman
Calling a Spade a Small Gardening Shovel

Calling a Spade a Small Gardening Shovel

Do you ever wonder if you're still attractive? It crosses my mind from time to time as the years continue to wrap around me like extra layers of clothing. I'm not talking like "Hollywood pretty-boy sexy" (we can't all be Mickey Rourke) but it'd be nice to imagine that you could still stir up a littl... [More]

[Sun Jan 11th, 2009] Written By: Boneman
Fear Its Self

Fear Its Self

Okay, whatever you do, don't look now, just be cool and keep walking, but I think somebody's following us...I dunno, just chill, walk a little faster, we'll be alright...Dude I told you not to look...ssshhh...I know he's a big white dude - and unless he's a big blind dude he just saw you turn around... [More]

[Mon Dec 8th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
A Bad Day at the KKK

A Bad Day at the KKK

Due to the timing of this issue's print date I find myself on the horns of a dilemma. I think I'm safe to assume that pretty much everybody (from roughly fifth grade on) knows what a dilemma is. Yet as often as dilemmas are described as having horns you may indeed wonder how many youngsters or say,... [More]

[Mon Dec 8th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
Respect Your Elders

Respect Your Elders

I've recently gone and done something that has left most everyone that knows me in a state of stunned, disbelief. I would have to imagine that many of you envision the Boneman as a somewhat funny, but mostly fuddled old skeeze, transgressing his way through life - a mere bus collision away from eter... [More]

[Fri Oct 10th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
Night Terrors

Night Terrors

This one is dedicated to the memory of St. George Carlin. His albums were the soundtrack to my adolescence and, next to Richard Pryor, he was the second greatest stand-up comic of all time. His passing brought with it the sobering realization that more and more the heroes of my generation are the on... [More]

[Fri Jul 25th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
That Certain Part of a Man's Body

That Certain Part of a Man's Body

Don't worry - I'm not gonna go off on another long-winded election rant. I was just wondering if Bill Clinton likes it when other prominent politicians get caught with their pants down like he used to do so prolifically. Does it make people forget about Monica and the gals or does it just refresh o... [More]

[Mon Mar 31st, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
Obama Nation

Obama Nation

You may have noticed if you've read any of my recent articles that I've become a kinder gentler Boneman. I find that I can function nearly as well without the cuss-words, but on the other hand, like many Americans, I've had it up to my "waste elimination apparatus" with political correctness. The fa... [More]

[Tue Jan 29th, 2008] Written By: The Boneman
Pink Side of the Moon

Pink Side of the Moon

Come on now? If you're reading this article having not read my conversation with Uncle Bone, let me quickly preface this odd tale of horror and disgrace with a quick introduction. My name is Maddy Bonham, again I'm the Boneman's niece and if you were a follower of this column in years past then it's... [More]

[Tue Oct 23rd, 2007] Written By: The Boneman
Back in Black (Really New)

Back in Black (Really New)

Though many of you are unlikely to remember me, I was once a semi-regular player on this team. I was all of 15 years old, in fact, when Uncle Bone first threw me out there to pinch hit for him. Sure, I was nervous and intimidated – kind of a Little Bo Peep running with the big dogs, but my life was... [More]

[Wed Aug 29th, 2007] Written By: Maddy Bonham